Five Hysterically Awful Fire Movies…And One Good One
Five Hysterically Awful Movies About Firefighting
…and one good one.
Why This Film Is Awful: I don’t know. I didn’t make it through the first hour. I zoned out after they called it a firefighting team. Get the lingo right. It’s a crew. Not a little league team.
Why This Film Sucks: Two words: Howie Long.
Howie Long drives a Hummer. Howie Long parachutes from a helicopter. Howie Long eats an MRE that’s delicious. Everything in this movie is a bunch of bull. Howie Long spends the vast majority of the time looking like he can’t remember where he left his car keys. The basic premise: If Howie can’t put out the fire, the Earth will burn down to its core. With an epic storyline like that, how can you go wrong. Honestly?
Defies Description. So campy. So cheesy. So wonderful. Worth watching on a second or third date if you want to bamboozle your date into thinking your chosen profession is second only to shark hunting on the danger scale.
Why This Film Sucks: Hollywood really wants to believe that wildland firefighters are all a bunch of Rambos with pulaskis charging through the woods. This movie is made from that mold. Any movie that involves a “Hail Mary Slurry Drop” to save lives is a bonkers. This movie is perfect for when you’re drinking beer, and you need something to make fun of besides rookies.
Why This Film Sucks: So many reasons, really. It’s another one of those movies about forest firefighting where half way through you just shake your head and think “Did they even bother to talk to a real firefighter?” The situations they get themselves into are absurd, and if this film is to be believed, a regular shift on the fireline involves standing on the skids of a helicopter and hopping off, vietnam-style into the heart of the blaze.
Why This Documentary Doesn’t Suck: It follows the Arrowhead Hotshots around for a season, and there’s minimal melodrama. Cool fire footage, and the narration is done by Stacey Keach, who’s a bit of a badass himself. Not a bad film to have in the collection. This documentary does a damn fine job of getting as close to showing “what it’s really like” as you can in 60 minutes.